Tuesday, September 16, 2014

When the questions come...

... but they were bound to come...

Someone today spelled out s-e-x to me, and it was playing on B's mind.
On the way home from dance, she asked me what s-e-x was.
I asked her what she thought it was...

When 2 people kiss?
Not quite.

When 2 people get naked in bed & kiss?
Well, that's part of it, I guess...

Well, what is it?
Do you really want to know?

Ok. It's when a man puts his bicken in a woman's glicean.




Um.. I think I may have just threw up in my mouth a bit.

more silence

Is that how you have a baby?
Well, it's how you make a baby.

So, you and dad... ?

major face palm by B

Oh. My. God.

So, like, does it work every time to make a baby?

Great question, actually... and No.

WHAT?!?! SERIOUSLY?!?!?! All that for nothin'?! That must be a huge let down!

(me, literally laughing out loud...)

Yes, it can be.

and from there it went on and on with questions about pain, clarification over which hole is which, more gagging noises... more face palms... more questions...

So, as she was getting into bed, I asked her, "Are you going to be able to sleep tonight or are you traumatized?"

Her response:
Sleep? Yep. Traumatized? Just a little. Oh. My. God....

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

How do you

How do you tell her
That's the way it is sometimes
That there will be ups and downs
And she'll only become stronger

How do you tell her
The tears are ok
The feelings are real
Yet some people are not

How do you tell her
She'll learn to see it from another view
It's hard to grasp now, but
That time will come

How do you tell her
This won't be the last time
You hope it doesn't last...

How do you tell her
There are no guarantees
That sometimes you can't make those promises
That tomorrow brings a new view

How do you tell her
It pains you just as much
That you hurt too behind those eyes
And you definitely won't forget because this is only the beginning

Thursday, February 6, 2014

The Silver Platter

photo from: http://www.businessnewsdaily.com/ via google search. No copyright infringement intended.

A number of totally non-related happenings lately have caused this house to be having a conversation based around the proverbial 'silver platter'.

Responsibility, ownership, accountability, consideration, even everyday thinking skills all seem to be slipping away, floating ever so far from our fingertips. It seems as though society is fuelled by a "me, me, me" mindset. We see it in adults, kids, professionals, online... everywhere. It seems like the more we can provide for kids, the seemingly better they will be.

Oh, you don't want to carry your hockey stick, as I juggle your younger sibling, your hockey bag, a coffee, the car keys, the phone? No prob, sweetie... I'll grab that for you, since you just left it on the ground next to the car.

Oh, that kid in kindergarden called you a "meanie"? You get your older sister to jump in there and "fight that battle" for your 5 year old self... using more hurtful words than a 5 year old can understand, but words from which a 5 year old can still feel the sting as she tries to comprehend them. Better yet, you find out what that kid's mom is so I can tear up her mother on Facebook.

Oh, you forgot your gym / dance clothes at home? Hhhmmmm? Did your teacher get upset with you? Talk to you about responsibility? No? 

You saw your kid blatantly push and shove another kid, target another kid? You sat back and laughed at little Johnny because he's so "out of control... all I can do is laugh at him."

When do you start to teach about responsibility? Is it an age-bound lesson?

In our house it's a constant conversation.

Our almost 5 year old son can get himself almost 100% ready for hockey. He carries his own stick, sometimes his own hockey bag which is almost twice his size. Why do we do this to our kid? (Someone actually commented that they couldn't believe we would make our son carry his own stick after an hour long practice!) It's simple: we want him to realize that he has to have responsibilities.

When my 8 year old daughter showed up at dance class with only one dance shoe, I didn't have sympathy for her. I had a conversation for her about responsibility. Guess what? The next week she made damn sure both her shoes were in her dance bag the night before dance. And, they were ready to go by the door.

I've seen plenty of catastrophic moments in my day when someone who had been given everything in their life on silver platter all of a sudden has to think for themselves, or do something for themselves. The result? Complete and utter breakdowns. Tears. Arms flailing in defeat. Frustration. Blame.

What do you mean I have to buy that myself? What do you mean you won't give me $200 for that? What do you mean you can't call my prof to get me excused from my exam? What do you mean I have to actually do that myself? What do you mean you can't totally rearrange everything to accommodate what I want?

Disaster. Defeat. Disbelief.

Our point is, eventually all of those silver platters start to tarnish at some point. The money runs out, people change, circumstances change, hell... the real world comes into play! And when reality comes knocking, you have to have some kind of tools to step up to the door to answer... or you're going to get that door smack! in your face.

We don't want that for our kids.

We want them to be able to have a good look at that seemingly tarnished platter with the insight and tools we've taught and instilled in them.

We want them to be able to:

  • Have the know-how to simply pick that platter up off the ground.
  • Realize that it may be tarnished, but it's not the end of the world.
And if we do a real good job...

  • They'll realize that with some hard work and a little common sense, that platter can be shiny again.

Can you cope with a tarnished silver platter? Can your kids?

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

My train wreck of thoughts

There are many things that come and go into my train of thoughts in the run of a day (and these days that train has been running full steam ahead), but of the many thoughts that pile into my mind, I'm always grappling with friendships the most.

Becoming a mom totally changed my friendships. Yes, it did. I have many different circles of friends that all serve different roles in my life. I have the few I see mainly at work, the crew I see at our weekly workout session outing, and a small few that are near and dear to my heart through many years of sharing, honesty and bonding -- the Old Faithfuls. As we all spin and turn and meander our way through our lives outside of our friendships, we are in a constant state of disconnect for a while / catch up; it's a fun, but can be exhausting all the same. Being a mom means that my children occupy that number 1 spot in the priority list. Being a mom means that my plans with my friends can sometimes get trumped by family outings or commitments, work schedule changes, travelling, a lack of a babysitter, or even the simple fact that I cannot just get up and go at a moment's notice.

This summer I had grandeur plans of connecting... really connecting... and catching up with all of these groups of friends. There were plans of girls' nights out, girls' nights in, lunches, suppers, trips to the wildlife park even. None of them happened. Life happenings got in the way. Instead it's become a constant conversation of "We have to get together... I can't believe summer is almost over... Where did the time go... I thought you said we were going to do _____..."

And here I sit this morning, typing this wondering why I feel guilty. Am I really that bad a friend? Are these missed encounters and foiled plans my fault? Then my thoughts take a turn... WAIT. These friendships are two-way streets. I can't assume all blame in not getting together with these people. Or should I? Have these friends given up on me? Have they resolved to waiting for me to arrange things with them to suit my schedule?


Anyone know where that relationship manual went...

Monday, June 17, 2013


I don't post on here nearly enough. I know that. I also don't take the time to think about things that mean the most to me nearly enough, either.

This weekend, though, got me thinking!

I grew up in a large extended family; my mother comes from a family of 12 and each of her siblings has many children. Many of my fondest (and craziest) memories are from the gathering times at that old house on Red Point Road -- their old homestead. We would gather... siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins. Although all of the cousins (grandchildren) are kind of pre-arranged into these little aged groups, there was a crew of us that would regularly gather on the stairs leading "upstairs"... maybe as a kind of refuge from the adults, or the older cousins... maybe as a refuge from siblings.... I'm not too sure. Nonetheless, we would gather there and chat and gossip, dance and sing, during these epic visits at Grammie's house. (Hence, the hashtag a bunch of us use on twitter to communicate en masse to one another.)

Low and behold, we've all grown up; each of us successful in our own right. A funny thing happens as you grow older though... those little aged dividing lines seemingly blend into one another. Suddenly, it matters not if you're 25 and a mom or 50 and a very successful single-mom. It matters not if you've got 1 or 2 or suddenly 3 kids of your own now. You're simply a mom. And so the conversations to be had on those stairs changes... it evolves...

This weekend I witnessed something I had always hoped I would see, but yet it was something that warmed my inner heart and soul and still brings a pensive smile to my face. As we all gathered again for a family function en masse (My god there's a lot of us!), those motherly lines were more apparent as we were able to sit back... enjoy a cup of tea or coffee... (or a drink)... like our mothers did before us... as our children played together.

Our children played together in the same confident, comfortable, encompassing way that we all played for years... us cousins. It was so refreshing to see the "older cousins" (all of 9 & 10 years old) taking the younger ones (1,2,4 years old) under their wings... guiding them along, keeping them safe, showing them how to climb stairs, or simply giving a very animated high five (or twenty). There were few worries as to where the kids were... that internal, knowing comfort was simply there.

As I thought back to those moments this weekend, and think ahead to our big family reunion coming up this summer, I kind of chuckled -- What a great experience it is going to be for them... for us... The cousins... gathered together... as we once were before...

And even better is the promise of the future... that promise of knowing that in our genes... in their genes... there's that internal goodness that assures this mom that things will be all right...