Sunday, April 3, 2011

My hubby's turning 40 and I'm feeling guilty...

You know that time in your marriage when you've had kids, you're sleep deprived and the slightest little thing your spouse does gets on your nerves? Well, I hate those moments. I hate those moments because it's in those moments that I can't be the biggest, yet most silent bitch. I know this. It's "mommy drain."

I get mommy drain about once a day. Ok, I'll admit it may occur more frequently during certain times of the month, but I know I get mommy drain at least once a day; those moments when I sigh, pout, roll my eyes, mutter, etc. During these moments there's no real reasoning with me. There's no pacifying me, because if my hubby tries to pacify me, then I'll be even more pissed off because I'll think he's pacifying me even if he's not. These moments are really a no-win situation. Poor hubby. All the while, during these moments, I'm thinking "poor me"! I'm tired. The kids are driving me crazy. There's too much to do. Not enough time.Everything is mundane...

Sigh. Sadly, these moments happen and go off with out much acknowledgement from hubby or myself. Maybe that's good, maybe it's bad. In the end it all works out. 

How to avoid mommy drain!?

We all read about all the things we should do as moms, as couples, as friends and lovers to help avoid this mommy drain. In this house, we don't really do them. We each have our "me" time (Can you say Masters Weekend coming up, where I leave the house to hubby to watch in peace?!?!). We don't really do date nights, but we have outings with the kids which are fun. We do have the rare moments maybe once every couple of months when we have time together without kids. We have a good division of household management. We talk. We communicate. But, all this aside, there are still those moments where I rear that ugly mommy drain head.


So, with hubby's 40th birthday coming up, I'm feeling guilty. I feel like he needs to know this stuff.
He needs to know that even though he's an old man (joke)....

He needs to know that I'm not proud of those moments. 
He needs to know that I'm trying to be the best mom I can be, and am probably failing at being the best wife I can be.

But he also needs to know that I love him dearly. I love the way he makes me laugh. I love his sick sense of humour. I love how we've grown together and grown older together (well, him more than me obviously... Since he practically robbed the cradle...). I love that we created these 2 beautiful, crazy, dramatic, funny children and that, although we berate it sometimes (re-creating his brother wasn't in our plans) our DNA mixed together produced a pretty fine mixture. 

And, although I have mommy drain, I know that right now those 2 children are our priority because they're only this young for so long.... So short a period of time... We have to embrace it, make the most of it and enjoy it while it lasts. 

When they grow older and we grow older, we'll have lots of time to spend together and grumble together and simply BE together. 

I'm sorry for the mommy drain. It's not me. It's not you. It's life right now. And I don't think we'd trade it for the world. 

Happy Birthday, bud. 
I love you. 

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Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on my post! ~Dawn