In the past few months I've had some "friendship" moments. I wrote a blog post about a
Then, the other night at soccer, my daughter's team was playing the team one of my "best friend's" children are playing on (apparently... I didn't know they were playing this year). Their mom and I were chatting; we haven't talked in person since before Christmas. It was awkward!
sighWe used to be the best of friends. Through thick and thin. Through pregnancies. Then, life happened. Life with children. Life goes on.
See, since having children, my "friendship life" has dwindled. Life, rightfully so, has been all about breastfeeding & diapers, sleepless nights, visits to Grandma's house, juggling work and home life..... An occasional play date with my mom friends. A birthday party here or there. Everything friend-like became centred around our children.
With the thick-and-thin friend above, over time and five children between us, I wondered who this uber-cool, ultra-perfect, my-children-are-perfect, I-must-plan-a-picnic woman was! Wow! All of a sudden I was seeing a side to this friend I didn't recognize at all. The whole phoney Martha Stewart/ keep up with the Jones' act was wearing thin.
We had grown apart.
So... that makes me down two of my closest friends in a couple of paragraphs.
Then tonight I got a Facebook message from my oldest, dearest friend. (We haven't seen one another in maybe 2 years and we live only an hour away from each other. We've only chatted on FB infrequently, lately.) It brought tears to my eyes. I smiled.
See, we lead totally different lives now. There was a time when we would spend every single weekend sleeping over each other's houses; we told each other everything; we made it through some iffy-situations. We were two peas in a pod. And I hold onto every memory of our friendship from way back when, just as I'm sure, she does. I had tears in my eyes because as she spoke of my children (she has chosen not to have any) and the love I must have for them, she wrote about how she takes time to check in on my life through FB, checks out my pictures, watches my children grow. Only she would be able to pinpoint that aspect of my life in a few succinct words. Only she would be the one who would make me blink back the tears, smile a big smile, and be utterly grateful for the life with my children that I have. And all our friendship is now is memories.
That is why friendship sucks. I'm at a time in my life where friends and friendship take a backseat to family life. And friendship sucks because I'm a big softy and I hold on to all the memories with my once closest friends. I don't want our lives to change.... my views of our friendship to change. I don't want my friends to change. I don't want time to get in the way. I don't want time to change.